I’ve known two Masas so far. Both of them remind me of each other. Masa two works at my school as a Japanese teacher, he’s polite, but a little ugly. He has a girlfriend back in Japan. Masa one is a DJ who seems to be becoming increasingly more popular. Both like talking to me, Masa Two has a certian downtrodden aspect to him, as if he’s eternally about to give up and die. Masa one looks like he’s about to take over the world. I like both Masas in my own way, One is a winner and you just wanna know him, Two is homely and kind, he writes down your name in his notebook so he can remember, he teaches at 4 different schools. One runs a successful clothing shop, Two dreams of teaching in Australia. What is the difference between these two? Genetics? Environment? I would like to think the former.
You see, I believe Masa Two was the result of alien abductions. At night I imagine him waking up in terror dreaming of being abducted, saucer weather. I know this because I was abducted, I remember white hands on my bed post, helplessness as I levitated off my Memphis bed, my trickle of Pavement and Bob Dylan records on the floor, Masa Two shows the signs of a brain swap, he’s not the person he thinks he should be. I don’t know what’s wrong with Masa Two, but if Masa One had been abducted, I imagine his 6 year old self touring the UFO perhaps glimpsing the cosmos for a second out a holographic wall. These things occur to me because neither Masa is fullfilled, but the fullfilled are rarely done with the world. No their lot keeps trying, and maybe Masa Two will find that alien in Sydney, kick his ass, play with his guts.
As of late I’ve been entertaining violent fantasises. These went away from awhile but chalk dust and meat are contributing factors to my rage. Despite this, I am nicer to my students than I ever have been, this is because I’m becoming a woman. I didn’t know this until today when one of my students (a young woman with a kathoey friend) stopped at the end of class and sat around, and then just as I was leaving she said, “good bye girl” and then to clarify she said, “I think you’re a girl”. Judging from the pictures of me in class, she might be right:
I know… it’s a beautiful process. =)