I am back in that room years ago and there I am on the couch watching neo-genesis evangelion. Today I am possessed with a desire to watch Sleeper over and over again and revisit those lost anime classics I used to love. I have managed to travel back to my teenage years, and there she is on the couch, I just wanna touch her, I just wanna feel her, I just want hug her and all the pain going through her, and here I am in 2008, wishing I was young again. Julie calls and she is miserable in Nong Khai. She complains for awhile, I don’t know how to help her, I have turned my emotions off, she has kept hers on, but now I’m staring back at that boy… girl? on the couch, as she watches anime and cries and wondering what happened to me? She is effemiate, brimming with joy, and hated by her peers. It is only now that I am realizing that she was a woman, for most of my life I thought she was a guy, and her pathos and sorrow reach across time and I just wanna cry. I just wanted someone to love me and soon she’s going to the internet and fuck some guy and then she’ll fall alseep in her bed and the tunnels of desire will run through her, the self will start to come out, and she’ll decide to become a guy, because she needs to be someone who’s famous, someone who’s admired, someone people enjoy.
p.s. read the Tangeirs diary of Ronald Tavel, it’s amazing.
Entry filed under: media.