that first girl

When I think about that first girl I’m not so sure I really wanted her. I remember at summer camp and a few notable differences. The guys around me had already developed some type of chauvinistic desire, I didn’t really have any. My major hetereosexual fanatasies were really ones on entrappment and the relation I had with women ran counter to them. Did I merely pick up on that moment of objectification and go with it? Sexuality isn’t really built out of hottness, it’s simply desire or longing. My identity is a squishy thing, pushed down and rolled around because I don’t really know who I am. This experience is growing because I have a more defined sense of myself.

–
Andrew