What is a sexuality?
Let’s imagine for a second that people actually did something unthinkable, they ummmm ya know seperated all their relationships into categories. This is remarkably hard to do, elektra complexes might haunt that weekend at the theme park with your dad, your best friend might have run down the stairs in hot pants once and aroused you, or maybe you just really want to fuck dogs. Any of the above can complicate the seemly simple relations that comprise the spectrum of who to fuck and who to friend or even better what friend to fuck over.
Now let’s start with gender. What is the relation between the heterosexual and the gender opposite? Do men relate with women? How do they relate? What is the proper level of excitement that the average male heterosexual should feel, when the girl terribly cute in front of them has a totally awesome sowing night? My major problem is, I actually rather like girls. Really. They’re awesome, they think differently, they have something going on. Men on the other hand I’m somewhat locked out of. I don’t get them. They make little sense to me. I have a creeping suspicion at times, that I’m somehow not in on the joke. Now this leaves me several questions A. How do other men feel about other men? Do they understand them intuitively? Do guys get guys? and then B. Do women feel similarly about each other, but ya know maybe don’t want to rip each other’s clothes off and just fuck right there? C. Do other men feel similarly about women.
My sexuality is one of identification. I find a women, I like her, we start to talk, and then usually I end up masturbating to her and then she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. This can get kinda intense. Most of the women who have been interested in me, I didn’t get. My question is, how do heterosexuals operate? What would draw someone initially to the opposite gender if identification wasn’t there? Oh wait, kinky sex. Yeah, forgot about that. But let’s look at a couple things, we make friends because we like people, but once the basic juvenile joys of sex have faded, the fantasies have gone away etc. What keeps people pursueing others outside of reproduction? Why do you fall in love with some people? Identification is a powerful force and at heart many relationships are made out of it, but is there a difference between the admiration between say friends and the love you feel towards your boyfriend and girlfriend? Is there some type of third element I’m missing between apathy and envy? Is the way you feel towards your boyfriend or girlfriend differnt than the way you feel amongst good friends? and finally, were we to make a definition of friends and lovers, how would you reorganize your life to fit it? Would you have to get rid of that dog?
Oh oh oh BONUS Susan Sontag on being a lesbian… hell yes… hell yes… I love this… thank you new york review of books. Oh BTW apparently lesbianism sucks sometimes:
“She was under a great deal of pressure to do so, as her erotic and emotional life was, during the later years of this volume, chasteningly unsatisfactory: both I. and I.’s predecessor H., with whom Sontag continued an affair in Paris, seemed to find it unavoidable (in Sontag’s account, anyhow) to heap humiliations upon her in the form of repeated withdrawal of affection and approval, rebukes concerning her character and her lack of psychological acuity, and criticisms of her lovemaking. Still, pressure alone will not make us take an exacting look at ourselves—courage is indispensable to the effort.”
and on her husband:
“The torment of lying, sleepless, beside the body one uniquely desires, and not being able to break through, to command desire in return…. Awful awful feeling of ‘déja été,’ for I did desire Philip tremendously during the first year.”
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