krunk and it’s consituquents
personalities are motions. if you’re not thinking, then you’re not yourself. taste is an imposition that comes after enjoyment.
to define. ok so at what point does it change? james is gay these days. boyfriend etc. (I’m doing an art piece with his boy). but (and yeah I know that homophilia is like 90% of this journal, but I am excessive compulsive)
do others think of other’s thoughts more than their own? my life is essentially all about me, I think about me and I understand other people by imaging myself in the context of others, but then there are holes. Why do people make fun of each other? why does person X do thing Y?
and then but why but my point being (as I blogged years back) sure the homoerotic has it’s appeal, but it’s obvious I don’t think of men in the manor that James does (who has picked a winner for a boyfriend). I can’t see the sexual qualities that would cemment such a relationship. I can imagine them now, but my point being (and yes I am dissapointed that I’m not gay) and then tonight I walked in and they were playing Chick Corea and for the first time in years I was tapping my toes, jazz through the eyes of house is a different matter, each beat and tempo becomes a chance to dance, it isn’t so much a freeform as a palatte, does all music of african origins have to be consigned as such? yurlim dances in class with glee, like children in spain, her mother has taught her to dance.
is i the austitic and hence defy category? I am pedophiliac these days slightly (yeah it is slight) phytoestrogen diet turns off sex drive still there, but am I the pedophiliac or the person worrying about it? similar paradoxes drive all my problems. Are you racist? sure yeah I have doubts about the abilities of blacks to become economically and educationally equal, but do I view each person as unequal? no. black isn’t white etc. to be questioned in a manor that forces a “direct” answer is to offend the sensitive.
my arguements are lined by weakness, like leni refenstahl, perhaps my monsters are more than text, more than style, but the substance that not in a mood to complicate. arguements dead. Masa didn’t like Devenadra Banhart.
fantasy of estrogen use ababted by reality, as I come down the old person returns. women become objects and were i to somehow crack the code of gay to figure out how it works and where the entrance is (it’s not in the anus, but the heart of many) I would be condemmed to double objectification, men would become sex objects things I would smarm over in lazy days, desperately trying to get laid, to get affection, to get away from me.
p.s. weak will syndrome continues. new bike tomorrow, hopefully a klein.
fucking not possible.
p.p.s masturbation returns weekly, testicles sag
dream of an effemiate Andrew posioing vincent gallo at party for mathematicaisn in beverly hills at request of actress tired of being smarmed.
fantasies of biohack show where in we make dynamtie from urine and shit and blow up cows and sulpta dances down the hills, her bollywood single a breezy world of hits and blows. windows screen sazer with shulpta.
fantasy of walking down the street as young 60s feminist hitting all the porn stores.
it’s 2 and I’m at breaks. need to finish my wine.
journal slightly lamer than usual. dancing however is good. was primed for stupid guy on couch with wine mode, lost original intention and hence first line, who we are requires a little effort to person, but it rewards our consciousness with oddles of fun and problems.
Entry filed under: media.