the crush

April 23, 2006 at 11:25 pm 2 comments

one of the greater problems of crushes is that you feel a certian way.
but the way you feel is powerful and perhaps at times a bit misleading.
the other party, the recipent of the crush, probably feels little if any desire towards you.
Hence you end up chasing a fantasy inside a flesh that isn’t aware of it’s existence.
We are in essence creating people with in people when we choose to become obssessed with “the girl next door”
or today seeing as how my dick hardly stayed in my pants all day despite the fact that I don’t even
feel a major affection or crush towards my roommate, one has to wonder do we have a choice or is it
that we’re programmed that we need crushes? Why do I continue to seek out affection and sex in people when
I’ve never managed to actually recieve any in return? I’m not even really looking for a girlfriend. I want someone who will love me for a short time and go away, that’s basically what everyone wants out an relationship I suppose, but it’s so hard to find, and when you do frequently the short time rule gets thrown out the window as one party becomes obssessed and the other party withdrawls. Perhaps affection is best felt as longing, to satisfy it would be to take away from the game of life, to reproduce would destroy a good amount of libdinal desire, and when u get down to it, fucking is a constant annoyance something like breathing that needs to be practiced daily, but requires such a large number of constrant (looks, personality, dress, genes, social standing, finaical stability if that’s important to you, sparks of hormones and slashes of flesh and entertainment) that is effectively becomes impossible to fuck in the way that nature intended (i.e. multiple parteners with little desire to stay on with you afterwards) and then requires a cultural submission (a relationship) to be maintained over one long time. Is the fact that I wake up everyday basically hyper-alert to the possibility of sex, watching every women on the subway, evaluating every employee that comes my way, fantasising about the girl not just next door, but the women down the street, my boss, multiple co-workers, girls at stores I frequent, students who walk back, people I see on my daily commute, friends of friends, and others somehow a defecient in finding love or sex? It’s strange that those who seek it the most, get it the least. Innonence and the ability to stay removed are commonly seen as signs of attractiveness, but who really feels this way? Who isn’t bustling to fucking the person next to them on the subway? Who doesn’t want a date with the person they bump into at breaks during work who is dating someone else that seems to make them unhappy? The problem with fucking is that we aquire it through friends, through people we’re talking to and making relationships with that aren’t intended to include sex in the first place, why are we fucking up one relationship when we’re sublimating the basic desires we all need? Am I to beleive that innonence is sexy? That the only two polemics of desire are: man basically sets your ass aflame or b. man makes good relationship and eases into sexual role? What’s the use? Where is this coming from? Why do we have to be friends? Can’t we just relationships form around our bodies and our expressions here in? Why do we need to talk? I don’t want to know about you, I want to feel you.

Entry filed under: media.

links for 2006-04-23 links for 2006-04-25

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Darren America  |  October 29, 2011 at 1:27 am

    i don’t want to know your name

    i just want…

    • 2. dignifieddevil  |  October 29, 2011 at 2:34 am

      It’s actually in the about section, glad to see you’re googling your name and paranoid or perhaps just narcissistic.


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