Archive for March 26, 2003

Anico?

Had this dream last night where I’m in the bathroom of my mom’s old house and Sabrina Anico comes in. We’re both naked for some reason, but just talking, we go out through a window which she’s using for some reason, fetching mail or something and sit the in bull pen of a little league baseball field. The entire time I’m very close to kissing her, but don’t.
Going to see Shelly Hirsch tomorrow.

March 26, 2003 at 4:21 pm Leave a comment

a cave

I continue to imagine beating the fuck out of Darren T. America. He’s a nice guy, I like him, and he meant me no harm, but I feel as if his insight into me, well just really pissed me off. My positives are passives, in-active portraits of a self that’s enjoyable to others, becuase it doesn’t impose on them becuase it isn’t neccessarily there. The problem isn’t that he’s right or wrong, on some level he’s right my, powers reside more in entertaining, but you can’t go through life with people thinking their able to push you around, neither can you exist ignoring what angers you. Darren accepts his weakness, “I always ran away from conflict,” he says, which I never did or have, but ended up marked by the fear conflict put in me, my parent’s arguing during their divorce, my mom beating me, kids at school, but I did stand up for myself on a few occassions and that seems to be where my resistance comes from, I told Dylan Miracle to fuck off and that he was a complete jack ass, we ended up really good friends, I threw Jen Barzack out of my life (and yeah I regreted that for awhile despite how stupid that is), I threw a TV at my step-mother, I screamed at my father, I ran my mother over all the time, never doing what i was told, never bothering to listen to her shit, and to this day I still hate her on a level, she’s to much, to protective in a way that’s not comforting, but just undermines your sense of what you can accomplish. Well at least your trying she says about me, my dad seems proud although now that I’m asking him for money to bail me out of credit cards and rent checks he probably won’t be as supportive. My point is this, Darren made a mistake in what makes Woody Allen Woody Allen, and what makes Darren a pussy although happy as a human being due to it, we resist all the time, we refuse to go into the cave and let comfort come over us, we’re more scared becuase of it, I don’t have a home to go back to in my mind, that sucks, but at the same time you have to learn to stand up straight even if it takes your whole fucking life to do it. We get better every day you son of a bitch, and with Darren’s attitude he’ll end up like Dave White, married to the wrong girl and living out with nazi racists in Virginia or where-ever. An enclave, is a cave.


A

March 26, 2003 at 3:01 am 1 comment


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