Archive for January 1, 2003

insecurity

I’ve never been insecure by myself. If anything when people left it always seemed that I was better off, but ya know then you’d run off to have fun again. As of late I’m insecure by myself. Clinched, pensive, etc. It’s very strange. I’ve never felt like a wreck inside before. I’m not sure how long this will last, but it is annoying as long as it does. Am I totally out of touch with who I am, or do we all live in a slight lie of who we are? I just need to build back up to what I had before, a confidence that other people didn’t seem to see. Maybe I just wrecked a little to early, before all the comfort I’ve established had come to full ground. Maybe this is what I need to go through now, a more thorough re-examination of myself. It’s been years after all. Update the OS.
Dave called and went by his friend Chuck’s. Got a new writing gig that pays. Slowly but surely building an income. The latest actually isn’t bad, the per word rate is lower than Weekly or Xlr8r, but the number of words written is 3 times that of other mags plus I’m writing about films and not music. Have a lot of stuff due soon. Skyscraper gave me some bullshit 2 week deadline for a fucking free mag. Fuck them… Weekly article is due soon. Need to get interviews out. Listen’n to Wauvenfold. Finishing ACA App, Reuters App, OCPS App (again…) It’s a very sleazy world out there, that’s more something to comfort you than threaten you.

A

January 1, 2003 at 11:14 pm 1 comment

insecurity

I’ve never been insecure by myself. If anything when people left it always seemed that I was better off, but ya know then you’d run off to have fun again. As of late I’m insecure by myself. Clinched, pensive, etc. It’s very strange. I’ve never felt like a wreck inside before. I’m not sure how long this will last, but it is annoying as long as it does. Am I totally out of touch with who I am, or do we all live in a slight lie of who we are? I just need to build back up to what I had before, a confidence that other people didn’t seem to see. Maybe I just wrecked a little to early, before all the comfort I’ve established had come to full ground. Maybe this is what I need to go through now, a more thorough re-examination of myself. It’s been years after all. Update the OS.
Dave called and went by his friend Chuck’s. Got a new writing gig that pays. Slowly but surely building an income. The latest actually isn’t bad, the per word rate is lower than Weekly or Xlr8r, but the number of words written is 3 times that of other mags plus I’m writing about films and not music. Have a lot of stuff due soon. Skyscraper gave me some bullshit 2 week deadline for a fucking free mag. Fuck them… Weekly article is due soon. Need to get interviews out. Listen’n to Wauvenfold. Finishing ACA App, Reuters App, OCPS App (again…) It’s a very sleazy world out there, that’s more something to comfort you than threaten you.

A

January 1, 2003 at 11:14 pm Leave a comment


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