Archive for April 27, 2003
several dreams last night can’t remember. but they were there. I’ve been dreaming a lot as of late.
outside of the buldings are eggs. White, sleepy, in shells they begin crawl. This wasn’t in the dream. In the dream I’m out by this post-modern buliding, it’s a mall that been cracked so it slants upwards into the sky. I’m out with some people and we’re all trying to surf, only I’m not. Anna’s not there so I begin to walk the beach becuase somehow I know she’s down there. I run into her and her dad only I’ve never meet her dad so I have no idea what he’s like. They’ve just finished surfing so I’m not going to be able to surf. On the way back her dad tells me that she’s crazy about me. I think about marrying her.
Earlier today she broke up with me again. In Public’s with Darren I call Liza and tell her she needs to leave. She needs to, she talks to much and says Travis loves her, I call him and he doesn’t love her. Anna calls and breaks up with me again and says my motivations are all fucked. I call Darren and he’s not there, I call someone else, then I call Lane and he’s not there. I call Amanda and she says I’m cold sometimes, but she doesn’t doubt my motives then Lane tells me some things about Anna. Amanda makes me feel better, as if I shouldn’t stop my self-serviving helping of others etc. I call Liza, but she hangs up or something and punches numbers into the answering machine. The deja vu is getting closer, after Alex’s party I come home and play Zelda, but somehow break the trance. Somethign is going to happen, I know it. Over the phone I tell Anna I love her and that she’s the best thing that’s happened to me, but she doesn’t take it. Her brother gets a bad feeling out of me. That’s bullshit, but she’s young. I throw the canvas I’ve been working on for two days on the floor. When I turn around it’s fine, the canvas has become art. Somehow in the midst of all this I’ve procuded a work of art. Amanda stops and says are you alright. Come home to Jecie who asks is I want my birthday song. I don’t want it, and explode with all the things I feel towards Liza and Anna right now. I feel alright, but something is happening. I know now not to true my deja vu again. I call Laura earlier in the evening and ask if she wants to come out, but she’s not there.