Amanda Colbenson has an odd propensity for dropping into my life and causing a lot of trouble. Like wise, I have an odd ability to completely fuck things up in her life. We’re not exactly friends right now. In a way we haven’t been for quite some time. Back in the day she was Matt Picket’s girl. I thought she was kinda bitchy, and being naive about women back then, I imagined she remained faitfull to Matt. In fact she slept with a variety of people. I was not one of them. In four years I’ve never even kissed the girl.
When she drops back in it used to be a olbique joy. We’d talk and have fun. I liked Amanda. But like Jen Barzack the more she got involved in the scene, the more she began to develop this outlook on life that was increasingly arrogant and domineering. I feel as if the consistent juxtaposition of her and Jen somehow ruined her outlook on life. Convinced she needed to develop some arrogant over the top posturing she became all she wasn’t. This isn’t to say she wasn’t always entranced with scenesters and rockstardomism, I mean to some extent we all and she’s always had a bad case. One day sitting in Stardust she confessed it’s all connections to her, we both knew she actually liked people to an extent, and that fun was also part of her agenda. This has always been her saving grace, her ability to enjoy a good time and her ability to provide a space for these get togethers with folks. I suppose she has her friends now, mainly Alex and Holly. I know Lacy hates Alex, and Alex is manipulative and the product of a very bad break up, but he isn’t a bad guy, just one not to take that seriously and not to get that close to. He lied to Marc Zouhar to the extent that Marc decided he needed to talk to me at Stardust. I was about 3 seconds away from punching him in the face. I have no real problem with Marc if he’d only show his real colors and just be the sleazy son of a bitch he is so we could deal with him face to face, instead of always hiding behind mirrors. I’m glad me and Amanda have the relationship we have now, we just need to sort out the way we’re not really friends the way we used to be. The way we need distance from each other to be able to enjoy each other’s company. If we get to close we’ll drive each other crazy. After four years I know her to well and could look into and her know she does know something about me, wether we actually admit this to each other or not. I hate to admit, but there’s something very satisfying about hating Amanda Colebson when acts she was she did the other night, something about the way she’s acheived some really stupid alouf in her own mind statsis when she should just be down here with us, a little more humble, a little less frail. If she wasn’t so obsessed with shattering every aspect of her innonence like those two girls in How High, she might be able to see some saving grace in a human who seems convinced that all is backstabbing and lies when in reality it’s out of control passion and hurt feelings.
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